“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
Since I became a Christian, I have always really struggled with forgiveness. I know that God commands me to forgive other people who sin against or offend me, just as He forgives me for sinning against him. And I want to! But it can be hard especially when the person is unaware of the pain they’ve caused you or they just don’t care and you never get an apology from them. Mercy doesn’t come naturally to our flesh because as humans we’re concerned with justice and fairness. God’s love and mercy, on the other hand, overlooks whether or not someone deserves to be forgiven.
Unfortunately, more often times than not, my flesh rears its ugly head and I refuse to forgive, at least immediately. This is especially true when it’s someone I dearly love and believed I could count on (such as a parent or our spouse).
I tend to hold unrealistic, impossible expectations of people to treat me fairly and kindly at all times. I’ve also struggled with holding myself to these same ridiculous standards. It’s just as dangerous for us to not forgive ourselves for past sins. We must believe God’s Word and accept our forgiveness from God through his Jesus Christ so that we don’t live in guilt and shame and are held back from living the abundant life that he died for us to have. That’s a whole ‘nother topic though!
When someone close to me lets me down, my flesh wants to wallow in bitterness and withhold forgiveness as punishment on that person for doing wrong. But based on God’s Word, I know that that’s wrong of me. I’m not the one to judge and I have no right to harbor unforgiveness. Even if a person is continuously sinning against me and causing me strife, I’m called to follow Christ ’s example and forgive them every time (Matthew -22 Forgive your brother seventy times seven).
It’s an area of constant struggle- almost a daily battle since every day there are opportunities and situations that arise when I have to decide to take offense or let the things people say and do go (Let go and let God!)
1 Peter says “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to Him who judges justly.” How often do we want to retaliate by speaking harshly back, giving the cold shoulder, or slandering those who hurt us? How often do we react with threats of punishment, such as choosing to spend less time with that person or not helping, giving to, and loving them anymore? I must remember that God sees all and He alone is the ultimate judge of all person (including myself, which motivates me to do what’s right before Him!)
Other verses that guide me regarding forgiveness:
Ephesians 4:2-3 “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Romans 15:7 “Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be glorified.”
Mark “When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you of your sins.”
Proverbs “The wise person controls their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs (offenses).”
1) Unforgiveness always keeps score or record of wrongs
2) Unforgiveness always boasts of its own record
3) Unforgiveness always complains (or dwells)
4) Unforgiveness has a martyr/ victim-like mentality or syndrome
5) Unforgiveness always alienates, divides and separates
6) Unforgiveness always is jealous when the other person is blessed
Application Prayer:
Father, please show me if there is any unforgiveness, bitterness, or anger in my heart. Open my eyes to any person I have not forgiven or any situation in my past that i'm not letting go of. I know that it's important to you that your children and those who claim to follow you display mercy, patience and love towards others- as you do towards them. I want to obey this command of yours! I don't want to give the enemy a foothold in my heart. I'm thankful for your forgiveness for all my sins and I want to glorify you by forgiving others of their's. I know that forgiveness doesn't make the situation right or excuse the person, but I surrender the need to seek punishment or vengeance to you, the one true Judge. I pray for the peace and freedom that comes with forgiveness. I pray for the strength through your Holy Spirit to be able to do it, since my flesh is so weak. I pray that you would be glorified through it Lord, working through me to be a witness to others and to that very person. It's in your Son's name I ask these things, Amen.
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